We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
