it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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