That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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