I didn't shave. On purpose
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
