I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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