do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize