I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
