youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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