That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
