I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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