my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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