Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
