i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize