She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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