guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
