If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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