He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
