a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
