it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
