We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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