literally had 100 drinks last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
