That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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