My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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