my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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