Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
