Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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