He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.