Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".