i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.