Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.