I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.