Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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