My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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