i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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