I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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