omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
