my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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