I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
