420 ftw
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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