party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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