Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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