i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
