i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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