So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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