WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
