I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
