If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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