now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
