i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
