3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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