come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
