On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
