I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
