Do you still have your period?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
