It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
