I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish i was in the wii world.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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