Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
