I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
