Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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