Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
