Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
