I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
