dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
