Welp...herpes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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