He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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